Ugh.

I'm back again folks....
I have had a LOT of complications come up since my plastic surgery, and I've also had a lot of craziness going on in my personal life. Things have been overwhelming, to say the least, and I'm feeling better not that I've taken a moment to sit down and write here.
I'm feeling a tremendous amount of anxiety about my child's food allergy, especially since she will be starting Kindergarten this time next year. I'm terrified, because if she comes into contact with the allergen its pretty much life threatening. To make a long, drawn out, sob story much, much shorter, it all comes down to this... I just dont trust anyone to keep her safe like I'm able to, and I'm not sure that I'm ready to put my child's life (literally) in someone else's hands for eight hours of the day.
I could go on and on about how I feel about that for hours, but I would likely develop carpel tunnel syndrome from all of the typing it would take to get that out, so lets just say I'm stressed, seriously, overwhelmingly stressed.

Wonton Soup

I dont think I have honestly met one person, who can look me in the face and tell me that there hasnt been a time in their life where they just wanted some delicious, filling soup. I personally LOVE wonton soup, and once you get the hang of stuffing the little wonton wrappers, there is nothing quite as yummy, as home made wonton soup!
I'm going to go ahead and share my favorite wonton soup recipe here, with you all, so that you can give it a try as well. Its a recipe by Emeril at the Food Network, and I absolutely think its worth the time it takes to make it!
Here is the link to the recipe:
http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/emeril-lagasse/wonton-soup-recipe/index.html
Please feel free to email me, or message me to share your favorite soup recipes, or to let me know what you think of this one!

Details

Some times its the smallest things that can make you feel soooo much better about yourself. Far too often though, its the smallest things that we tend to neglect in our daily routines. We get ourselves stuck in this routine/rut, and dont even notice all of the little things that we could be doing to make ourselves go from feeling just "ok" about our image to thinking that we look "hot."
I got a new haircut/hairstyle today, and it made a world of difference for me. This is something that I have been wanting to do for a while, but have been putting off, because I was afraid to goof it up and end up looking worse than I started out as.
I walked into the salon today with no concept of what I wanted my new hair to look like, and I figured I would just trust the expert. I had my hair done by a master stylist, and I would absolutely recommend that you do the same thing. Now, before you think "I dont want to do that, thats ridiculous, and probably costs a lot more!" It didnt! I only paid a few dollars more than I would have to have a regular hairdresser do my hair, and it was ABSOLUTELY worth every dime! My stylist gave me the best haircut that I have EVER had, and my self esteem is through the roof right now. My hair went from being a horrible-frizzy-flat-cousin-it looking mess, to a sleek, elegant, just below shoulder length look, that not only has good volume to it, but honestly looks as if I just came from being on a movie set!! I could not be any more thrilled with it!
Treat yourself to something that you have been wanting to do for a while. Even if its just something simple! Go get a haircut, have your nails done, or buy a new article of clothing. Do something for yourself, and only for yourself, you deserve to every once in a while!
Remember.... no matter what stage of this journey you are in.... you are BEAUTIFUL!

Water! Water!

I'm really beginning to notice just how important it is to drink a ton of water each day. I noticed that the past couple of days I have been retaining water, and it was directly correlating with my lack of water intake. I have been SUPER busy, and made the mistake of only drinking like three bottles of water a day for the past couple of days, and I have never felt so bloated in my life! It was horrible!
Today, I have made an extra effort to step up my water intake, and my water retention has gone down noticeably. In fact, it even reflected on the scale.... I managed to lose two extra pounds of retained water, and my body feels so much better without it!
On an exciting front, I am planning a vacation out of state some time in early June with my daughter. I'm sooo looking forward to it. I'm not sure why, but lately I have just been feeling overwhelmed at home, with EVERYTHING. I just need a chance to get away for a little bit and clear my head. Surely, you know what I mean, and at some point in your life, you have felt the same way.
This will be my first vacation without my husband, and I honestly have mixed feelings about it. I think its healthy, every once in a while, to take a little break from your spouse. It gives you a chance to miss each other, and realize that you might be taking each other for granted. I'm hoping that it makes us appreciate each other a little more, and the role that we play in each others lives.
I did a little vacation shopping today, and I was blown away that I now wear a size medium top, and in some cases, even a size small. Its crazy to think back to two years ago, when I was wearing a tight 3x! As for pants, I am now a size 10, whereas two years ago I was wearing a tight 28. Even with all of the ups and downs, and the emotional roller coaster ride that I have been on, this really has been an amazing journey.
Even with my body image issues, I have been starting to feel better about myself. Its still hard to accept the fact that I am no longer overweight, and that I am an average size though, but I think I will get there, slowly, but surely. After being overweight for so long, its hard to look at myself in the mirror and believe that I truly am an attractive, good looking woman, no matter how much I am told that by others. I still have no trouble finding areas of my body to nit-pick, but then again, I think all women are like that. I have to work harder on accepting myself, and not worrying so much about how other people might see me.... in reality, no one is staring at the trouble spots on my body, and scrutinizing them the way that I do, and I'm starting to realize that as well.
I should be proud of how far I have come, and I am. Dont get me wrong though, I am still my harshest critic, and I think I always will be. I doubt that will ever change.
Do yourself a favor.... if you've lost a large amount of weight, or any weight for that matter, take a look at yourself in the mirror, and tell yourself, out loud, that you DO look good. If you know someone else who has lost weight, remind them that they look good!

Temper Tantrums and Meal Time Battles

Holy sock puppets Batman! I am about fed up with trying to get my 4 year old to eat. She's incredibly picky, and meal time has become a HUGE fight. I feel like I should be armed to the nines and dressed in battle gear. My patience has quickly diminished. I honestly dont know what to do anymore, and I really feel like I'm at my wits end here.
Now, before you think I'm exaggerating, my daughter is not like those picky eaters you see on TV commercials/shows, that sit there in silence, staring at the plate that they have just pushed away. No. If there is something on her plate that she doesn't like (which is just about everything), she will cry and scream like its the end of the world. It takes two hours to get through meal time, and even then she wont finish whats on her plate. She averages maybe one bite every fifteen minutes, and that bite is only taken when her father or I tell her for the millionth time to "take a bite." I really, truely am completely out of patience. Feeding her takes up at least five hours of my day when I need to be getting other things done, and I just feel so emotionally drained after these war's that its ridiculous.
I have tried EVERYTHING to make meal time fun, and NOTHING has worked. PLEASE, I am begging you all for help and suggestions. Feel free to inbox me, I'm open to trying just about anything at this point.

Salsa

Last night I finally decided that I was ready to eat something again, and the first thing on my mind was a nice, cool, crisp, refreshing salad. There was only one problem. I only had Italian salad dressing in my house, and I dont really like it much.
Thats when I had a light bulb moment. I had some mild salsa in my fridge also, and with only 15 calories per serving, that would make a perfectly delicious salad dressing. I'm not sure if others have been doing this for a while, and no one bothered to let me in on the secret, but it sure did taste fantastic!
I think that this is going to be my new salad dressing of choice for a while now, and next time I might even season some ground beef, and add it to the mix.... or even some seasoned chicken. The possibilities are endless here.

Cooking Unhealthy Food For Loved Ones

I have to say that my husband has been very supportive of the healthy eating rules that I have put into place for my family since I had my surgery. He has nothing to worry about weight wise... He's 6'3" 180lbs, and has a metabolism as fast as a jet. He can eat, and eat, and eat, thousands of calories a day, and not have to worry about gaining a pound. I know that he has been missing some of the joys of eating the occasional unhealthy meal every now and then, so last night I decided to use my imagination to cook up something deliciously unhealthy, just for him!
My brain storming led me to a pasta dish, which was a combination of spaghetti noodles, finely chopped crispy bacon, and cut up chicken, all tossed in a creamy parmesan cheese sauce. It smelled FANTASTIC, and looked just as good. It got a big thumbs up from my husband, and I think he appreciated the break from eating healthy -even if just for one night!
I was wondering, how you all feel about cooking the occasional unhealthy meal for your loved ones. Do any of you ever do it, even knowing that you cannot eat it yourself?
I, on the other hand am going on my fourth day of having eaten NOTHING. I have been drinking tons of water so that I dont get dehydrated though. I know that what I'm doing is not healthy, but I just dont know what to do. I have an important event to go to on Tuesday, so I think thats when I will try to eat something, and give myself a break. I have to somehow find a way to break free from this, because it NOT what I want for my life. I know I deserve better than this, and I will find a way to get it!

Drinks!

Before I had the gastric bypass I was a real juice-a-holic. Orange juice, or grapefruit juice were my drinks of choice, and I would be lying if I told you that I didn't miss them terribly!
Ever since the surgery, I have been lost on what I can drink, and I have been in constant search for something that is both delicious AND healthy! I have bad reactions to artificial sweeteners, so the diet juices are not an option for me. Unfortunately I am not a tea person, so that's not really an option either. See my problem?
I have been living off of water, coffee, and the occasional cup of hot broth, and if I find myself really craving juice I mix it 50/50 with water (but even that is rare.)
I still drink wine socially, every now and then, but alcohol seems to be a controversial topic among the weightloss surgeons. If you're going to have an adult beverage, please make sure that its ok with your doctor first, and be ready for it to impact you faster than it would have before surgery.
I'm mainly looking for suggestions for drinks that are healthy that can be ordered out at a restaurant. I'm sooo tired of just ordering water, and if anyone has any other ideas I would greatly appreciate them.
I'm still continuing the search in the mean time, and I'll make sure to post about it and let you guys know if I happen to find that magical, yummy, healthy drink!

Baked Asparagus With Sauce

Baked Asparagus is seriously delicious, and it goes really well with this sauce that my husband makes. Asparagus is really easy to make, and its incredibly healthy for you, which makes it perfect as a side dish for dinner, or even just something to snack on when you get hungry.
If you've never made fresh asparagus before, you want to remember that when you're trimming the asparagus, you dont want to use a knife. If you hold the asparagus with two hands, placing one hand at the very end of the stalk, and the other hand in the middle of the stalk, you can slowly/gently bend the asparagus and it will snap by itself at its natural breaking point. Here is the recipe that my husband follows when he makes the asparagus and sauce for us:

INGREDIENTS:

2 Bunches of fresh, trimmed asparagus
Cooking spray
Salt and Pepper

2 Tablespoons soy sauce
1/4 Cup butter
2 Teaspoons balsamic vinegar



DIRECTIONS:

Preheat oven to 400
Place Asparagus on baking pan, coat with cooking spray, and season with salt and pepper to taste
Bake Asparagus for 12-15 minutes (shorter or longer time depending of desired level of tenderness)
Melt butter in sauce pan, mix in soy sauce, and balsamic vinegar and pour sauce over cooked asparagus.
Serve and Enjoy!!

You can check out my husband cooking the asparagus here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sIQJPz42oqo

Part 2 is here where the sauce is being made, and you can see the finished product:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9XfG8YUrP8c

A Thin Line

I have to come clean about something. When I was in my teens I had an eating disorder. I was officially diagnosed with EDNOS (eating disorder not otherwise specified). I didn't fit into the categories of the typical, common eating disorders, because I was too overweight. My behavior was a combination of bulimia and anorexia. I would go days without eating (the longest was a whole week), and then on the days when I actually would eat something, I was compelled to throw it up. Eating disorders have a strange way of making you feel like you're in control, when in reality, you have no control at all, and you're lost in your own pain.
This was years ago, and I really thought I left it all behind me, in my past. I think I might have been mistaken about that though. It seems like ever since having the gastric bypass, and now the plastic surgery, I have been obsessing over how I look, and the numbers on the scale. I haven't eaten anything today, and its a little after 5pm. I know that this isnt right. I would NEVER EVER advise anyone else to go down this road, because it can only lead to bad things, and yet for some reason now, I seem powerless to stop myself.
Truth be told, I only want to lose about 20lbs, but realistically I know that if I do lose those 20lbs, it still wont be good enough, and I will always want to lose more. I dont think I will ever be satisfied. I cant talk myself into losing it sensibly either, through healthy diet and exercise, because I am -and always have been- an "instant results" type of person. I dont know how to stay on the middle ground for very long, and I guess that was one of the reasons why gastric bypass was so appealing to me initially... I knew it would produce immediate results.
I wish I could change my way of thinking. I wish I could be satisfied with "slow and steady," but I dont know how to be.
This is quite possibly be the hardest post that I have ever had to write, or will ever have to write for that matter, but I have to get it out. I have always been such a competitive person, in every aspect of my life, but competing with yourself can only lead to danger. Logically I know this.
I wish I could reach out to someone in my life, and let them know how I'm feeling, and whats going on with me. I wont even bother telling my husband, because I know, that as supportive, and caring as he can be, he will just look at me and tell me "well, then you need to stop, its your choice, and if you cant, then I cant help you." Most people, dont realize that its not as simple as that for someone with an eating issue. I don't even know how to help myself, so I cant realistically expect those in my life to know either.
The only person that I could tell would be maybe my plastic surgeon, he might be able to help me. I wont do it though, because I still want some work done. I need my arms and chest done, and I have a feeling that if I tell him how all of this is impacting me, he wont be willing to do my future operations. I wouldn't blame him either... I cant say that I would want to do something to trigger someones unhealthy habits either.
I didn't write this for anyone to feel back for me, honestly I don't even know why I wrote this. Maybe the anonymity of the cyber world feels safe. Regardless of why I'm writing this, I want to let anyone who might be reading this, who has also suffered with an eating disorder in their past, and is considering weight loss surgery now, to PLEASE think long and hard about that decision, and how it will impact them emotionally. This was something I wasn't too prepared for. I didn't want this to resurface, and I honestly thought it never would, so I'm urging you to be more prepared than I was.

Amazing Chili!

Ok, so I said the other day, that I had a recipe that I really wanted to share with you guys, and I'm going to do just that today!
When I was prepping for my plastic surgery, I knew that it would be a long recovery, and that I wouldnt be able to do things like cooking and cleaning for a while. This was a nice prospect, I must admit, but the thought of having to rely on my husband to do the cooking was not a pleasant one. I set about the daunting task of cooking tons of food and freezing it, so that way all my husband would have to do, would be defrost it, and heat it up!
One of the recipes that I stumbled upon happened to be for a Chili, claiming to be the best that I would ever taste. As we gastric bypassers know, Chili is an amazing source of protein, and probably one of the best foods that we can eat. I decided that I had to give the recipe a try, and much to my surprise it WAS the best Chili I'd ever tasted!!
Here is the recipe:

INGREDIENTS:

• 2 teaspoons oil
• 2 onions , chopped
• 3 cloves garlic , minced
• 1 lb lean ground beef
• 3/4 lb beef sirloin , cubed
• 1 (14 1/2 ounce) can diced tomatoes
• 1 can dark beer
• 1 cup strong coffee
• 2 (6 ounce) cans tomato paste
• 1 can beef broth
• 1/2 cup brown sugar
• 3 1/2 tablespoons chili sauce
• 1 tablespoon cumin
• 1 tablespoon cocoa
• 1 teaspoon oregano
• 1 teaspoon cayenne
• 1 teaspoon coriander
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 4 (15 ounce) cans kidney beans
• 4 chili peppers , chopped 

DIRECTIONS:

 

1. Heat oil.
2. Cook onions, garlic and meat until brown.
3. Add tomatoes, beer, coffee, tomato paste and beef broth.
4. Add spices Stir in 2 cans of kidney beans and peppers.
5. Reduce heat and simmer for 1 1/2 hours.
6. Add 2 remaining cans of kidney beans and simmer for another 30 minutes.

If you want to see the reviews, and some photos you can find it here:

http://www.food.com/recipe/the-best-chili-you-will-ever-taste-73166

If you make it, I hope you enjoy it! If you look at the calorie count for the Chili at the link above, dont freak out! It does not really have that many calories, and the servings are HUGE! I would probably half the nutritional, to get the correct amount. 

I'd love to hear what you guys think of the recipe when you try it! Did you like it? Do you have a recipe for chili that you think can beat this?

  

Heyyyy!

Sorry it's been FOREVER since my last post, but I've been caught up in the crazy, busy, whirlwind of life. This Friday will be the six week anniversary since I had my lower body lift!!! I cant believe I decided to go through with the plastic surgery, to get rid of the loose skin, and I am thrilled that I did! My incision goes all the way around my body, and my surgeon removed 12lbs of excess skin! Holy Cow!
This is the hardest recovery that I have had to go through, and I couldnt even come close to imagining what the pain would be like, until I actually experienced it for myself. If plastic surgery is something that you are considering, I have to tell you, that its a really painful first couple of weeks, but that its completely worth it.
I still have a ton of swelling (which is absolutely normal, and I absolutely expected that,) but I already look like a completely normal, attractive, person... for the first time in my life! I'm thrilled with my results, and I cannot say enough good, about my surgeon and his staff. they really truly have been with me, every step of the way. If I ever have any questions, or issues, I know that I can call them, and I feel completely comfortable doing so.
We have also decided to put our house on the market in the next month or two, and upgrade to a bigger house. All of the prep work that comes with getting a house ready to sell it, has been a bit overwhelming to say the least, and I am absolutely looking forward to just being able to sit back and the an agent handle the rest.
I promise that I WILL update either tomorrow or the day after that, with a great, healthy recipe that I am just dying to share with everyone here!